My wife’s brother and his three kids visited us this past weekend. The main item on our agenda was to take them to Wonderworks in Destiny USA.
I have never been to Wonderworks — and I probably never will again. Don’t get me wrong; it is a wonderful attraction, filled with over 100 interactive exhibits. It also has lazer tag, which is super cool.
The one attraction that scared the you-know-what out of me is the Canyon Climb Adventure Ropes Challenge Course, which is billed as the world’s largest suspended indoor ropes course. It should have been billed as the world’s largest scare-the-you-know-what-out-of-you suspended indoor ropes course.
This course stands 70 feet tall (from the ceiling, I should remind you), has three levels of ropes, and over 81 different obstacles and activities. I could be mistaken but peeing your pants is not one of the activities in the brochure.
If you don’t how it works, it’s simple. They put a harness on you and then attached the harness to this rope/wire, which is then attached to a rail.
Of course, you have to sign a waiver just to participate, which goes against everything I stand for. If I have to sign a waiver to participate, then chances are I will not be participating. It’s one of my life’s rules.
Anyway, one of my nephews was a wee bit scared about tackling this course. In order to encourage him to do so, I had to fake being excited about the course and explained to him how fun it will be.
After receiving some instructions, we were fitted with harnesses and off we went.
I made it up the stairs — which was probably the easiest part — and headed out into the course, where I generated every ounce of manly-ness I had.
At first, it was pretty cool. I walked across a beam to get to one station. There I had a choice: I could either walked across a single rope, walk across a rope bridge, wet my pants, or turn around and go back.
Unfortunately, my nephew was behind me, so I ventured on to the rope bridge. Luckily, they have some rope that you can hang onto to help you keep your balance. After seven and a half minutes, I made it across. So did my nephew…in 30 seconds.
I thought to myself, “Well, that wasn’t so bad…maybe I can tackle this and get through it alive.”
I made it across the next rope bridge where I was faced with another horrifying decision. Should I walk across a single rope or should I walk across two ropes?
I chose the single rope. Bad decision. My foot slipped off it and I fell. Luckily, the harness worked and I didn’t plunge to my death. But I must have screamed like a little girl because every one in the mall stopped to look at me.
My legs were flailing and I desperately tried to get my legs onto the rope. Eventually, by the grace of God, I was able to make it to the other side.
I turned around to see if my nephew made it across but he was not there. The little chicken went back and gave up, leaving me alone.