Hodgepodge, by Roy Hodge

When it’s hot, it’s hot!

That’s for sure. Just ask anyone who was hanging around on those couple of days recently when temperatures hit the 90s.

I’m thankful for the comfort of air conditioning. I also enjoy being outside on warm summer days.

Notice that I said warm, not sultry, or sizzling, or scorching.  Those last three are words that I used in a column on July 29, 1989 when we were experiencing another particularly warm summer spell.

“When it’s hot for more than one day it ceases to be hot,” I wrote back then. “It becomes a scorcher, a sizzler; watch out for the blazing heat, and it might even get torrid. Sultry is another favorite way to describe the heat; it almost always reaches sultry levels after a couple days of heat.  Then it becomes tropical.”

 I guess I was just getting “warmed” up.  I continued, “Culinary terms are also big.  Every July we cook, bake, broil, roast and simmer. Soon, the just plain heat of a few days ago becomes searing heat, blistering heat, parching heat. By then, it’s hotter than blazes and we’re all smoldering.”

 I guess maybe I should switch the seasons around when I write my summer and winter columns. On Dec. 7, 1982, I provided readers with a primer on winter weather terms.

“When winter weather forecasters mention something about an ice storm, freezing rain or freezing drizzle we can expect some kind of an icy coating.  Snow probably means a steady fall unless the words occasional or intermittent are used.

“Heavy snow usually means 4 to 6 inches or more in 12 hours, 6 inches or more in 24 hours. Heavy snow where snow is infrequent (not here) can mean 2 or 3 inches.

“Snow flurries can be an intermittent snowfall, which may reduce visibility, and snow squalls is a brief, intense snowfall with gusty winds. Blowing or drifting snow means strong winds and poor visibility for a lengthy period of time.

“Now the serious stuff: A blizzard requires wind speeds of 35 mph or more, steady snowfall or blowing snow, and temperatures of 20 degrees or less. A severe blizzard means 45 mph winds, dense snow, and temperatures of 10 degrees or less. A cold wave is a rapid temperature drop in a 24-hour period.

“These two are tricky.  A ‘watch’ means that a winter storm is approaching while ‘warning’ means the storm is imminent.”

So there you go. You can be equally prepared for scorchers or blizzards.

Advice from Will

I was recently given some good advice from a good friend of mine who also happens to be my father-in-law. He said that he got it from Will Rogers, but he didn’t say how or when.

From Will: Never squat with your spurs on; Never slap a man who’s chewing tobacco; Never kick a cow chip on a hot day; There are two theories to arguing with a woman. Neither work.

Never miss a good chance to shut up; Always drink upstream from the herd; If you find yourself in a hole – stop digging; The quickest way to double your money is to fold it and put it back in your pocket.

Good judgment often comes from experience, and a lot of that comes from bad judgment; If you’re riding ahead of the herd, take a look back now and then to make sure it’s still there. Lettin’ the cat outta the bag is a whole lot easier than puttin’ it back in.

After eating an entire bull, a mountain lion felt so good he started roaring. He kept it up until a hunter came along and shot him. The moral: When you’re full of bull, keep your mouth shut.

About growing older

I don’t know if Will is responsible for these, but I found them in the same place:

Eventually you will reach a point where you stop lying about your age and start bragging about it.

The older we get, the fewer things seem worth waiting in line for.

Some people try to turn back their odometers. Not me; I want to know why I look this way. I’ve traveled a long way, and some of the roads weren’t paved.

When you are dissatisfied and would like to return to your youth, think of algebra.

You know you are getting old when everything either dries up or leaks.

I don’t know how I got over the hill without getting to the top.

One of the many things no one tells you about aging is that it’s such a nice change from being young.

One must wait until evening to see how splendid the day has been.

Being young is beautiful, but being old is comfortable and relaxed.

Long ago, when men cursed and beat the ground with sticks, it was called witchcraft. Today it’s called golf.

And finally — if you don’t learn to laugh at trouble, you won’t have anything to laugh at when you’re old.

You could laugh at the Peanuts gang!

“I have developed a new philosophy . . . . I only dread one day at a time.”      –Charlie Brown

“I love mankind, it is people I can’t stand.”      –Linus

“I never made a mistake in my life; I thought I did once but I was wrong.”      –Lucy

“Happiness is having your own library card.”         -Sally

“How can you do push-ups when your nose gets in the way?”                 –Snoopy

                                                                                                                                                                                                 . . . Roy Hodge 

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