Laughing Through Life: August 1, 2012

Andrew Henderson

As I write this, I am once again living the bachelor’s life.

I have Sportscenter on the TV, Cardinals game on the laptop, leftover garlic pizza in the fridge, and I might not be wearing any pants.

Do I have your attention now?

Okay, it’s not what you think. I might not be not not wearing any pants. But if I were to be not not wearing any pants — after I already said that I was not wearing them —  would I still be pantless?

I don’t know. Who’s on first?

Just for the record, I’m still married. My wife is spending this week as a camp counselor for a Christian youth camp near Rome.

So, for the first time in just over two years, I have six days to myself.

So, as I write this on Sunday, I am planning my week — you know, the things that I can do that I normally wouldn’t, or couldn’t, do.

Let’s see, I still have to work this week, so that means that I can’t stay up late every night and watch “manly” movies: “Transformers,” “Rambo,” “Star Wars,” “G.I. Joe,” “A-Team,” and the like.

Actually, my wife is pretty good at letting me watch action movies. It’s sort of like a trade-off. She will allow me to watch “X-Men” and “Thor” if I will watch “The Notebook” and “Bridget Jones Diary.”

I draw the line at “Anne of Green Gables,” however. Oh yeah, and “Little House on the Prairie,” too. No one will ever get me to watch those. I would rather run myself into a wall before I watch them. I would rather watch read a textbook on actuarial science than watch those two flicks. Go ahead, Google actuarial science.

Still, I know I’m in trouble when my wife wants to watch a movie with me and she has a pallet of tissues nearby.

Maybe I can see if any of my buddies are available to hang out, possibly go the shooting range and pop some rounds off. Maybe, we can hit the links for 9 or 18 holes. Or, I can fix something around the house. Ha! Yeah, right! Scratch that one of the list.

I could go see a baseball game, wash my truck, or check off some of my “honey-do” list she left me. This list includes watering the plants, cleaning the storage room, dusting and vacuuming, washing any dishes I dirty (hello, paper plates!), and paying the bills.

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